A Walk In the Snow

January 13, 2020

Waking up earlier than usual this morning, I decided to take Rumi's advice and chose not to go back to sleep.  It proved to be a good decision.

After lying in bed reading for about an hour, I decided to go for a walk around my new town of Hampyeong.  With Jack Kornfield's words in my earbuds, I began the 2-mile loop around my cozy little hamlet.  As I approached the waterfront, it began to snow.  I'm not sure if it was the quiet of the morning, the sleep still in my eyes, Jack's words in my ears, or the combination of the three, but I was immediately struck by how pristine and perfect each flake was as it landed on me before quickly melting away.

Over the years I've become practiced and proficient at recognizing impermanence, reminding myself that "this too shall pass," and letting go.  But in the stillness this morning, I was strangely saddened to watch the snowflakes melt away.  These immaculate mirrors of eternity alighting on my arm for but an instant as if to challenge my comfort with how ephemeral life is.  And then Jack read a poem from Mary Oliver and I was struck a second time.  

"To live in this world you must be able to do three things: 

to love what is mortal; 

to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; 

and, when the time comes, to let it go, to let it go." 

It struck me that the reason I've become so good at letting go is because I've forgotten how to hold on.  Surely, there is a peace and a power in the breathe that learns to release attachments, appetites, and aversions, but there is a richness in the lives we hold dear and a meaningfulness to life that can only be found when we dare to name someone 'precious'.  What a silly thing to forget; what a wonderful thing to remember. 

Said the Girl to the Snowflake

Said the girl to the snowflake,

"Oh, little mirror of eternity

How magnificent you are!

Awaken in me your nobility

That this hush might last

More than a moment."

Said the snowflake to the girl,

"Oh, little mirror of eternity

How magnificent you are!

It is your own nobility that will awaken

When you realize

This hush is all we have."

Woodsmoke and Some Thoughts

I smelled woodsmoke while out for a walk this morning morning. I couldn't help but smile to myself and think, 'It's going to be a good day.'

I love the smell of wood, don’t you? Whether its tall and proud in a forest somewhere. Or chopped and humble in a fireplace. There’s something so comforting and grounding in those smells. Your nose tingles, your eyes light up a bit, and you feel joy’s signature warmth spread through your chest as you look for the source of the smell. And it truly is joy. A simple joy. One of my favorite kinds. And yet I’m struck by the realization that most of those joys are for things I haven't myself experienced. 

When I think of a fire burning in the winter stove, I think of family, of love, of warmth and contentment, and the inability to peel one's eyes from the magic of the flames. I want my life to be like that fire: I want it to be a picture of family and love, of warmth and peace; I want to draw people in and help them to contemplate the deeper meanings of life; I want my heart to have an aroma that makes people's noses twitch, makes their lips curl into a smile, and leaves them saying, 'Today's going to be a good day.'

Perhaps part of the joy I feel is in the reminder that I have the power to choose my future, to bring those future joys about. Or perhaps woodsmoke is just a pleasant smell. Either way, what a joy. 

Clarity

There's much to be said for clarity. It's liberating. It gives direction to our meaning and our purpose for being. And yet, depending on the juncture of your life, it can feel like cold steel on your wrists and a pane of bulletproof glass.

Someone recently told me that we always have the power to choose, if not our circumstance then our attitude. This gentle reminder has given me a great deal of clarity. And yet, in many ways it feels as though there is an impenetrable obstacle standing between me and my future. Perhaps it's bulletproof and perhaps it isn't. I won't know until I test it.  

Over the weeks since receiving that wonderful gift of hope, I've been focusing on changing me and my attitude. A still-small voice in my chest tells me that's the best place to start.

Isn't it appropriate that some of life's greatest seasons of change take place in Autumn?

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” - Anatole France

I've recently discovered a wonderful band by the name of The Paper Kites. Bloom was the first song of theirs I fell in love with. Featherstone quickly followed. Today, it was St. Clarity that struck me.

My Autumnal Soul Sings

As my teeth sink into a crunchy red apple on this crisp Autumn morning, I think about seasons; among other things, the demarcation of the passage of time. Seasons come and seasons go. Some go on for what seems forever while others zoom by so quickly I dare not blink. The funny thing about seasons is that while they turn and return in an endless cycle, no two Falls are ever the same.  

My autumnal soul sings with freshness and newness, a sharp breeze in my increasingly bare limbs. I am fully aware of the losses and absences all around me. They are a beautiful, fiery harbinger of what is to come, strewn about my feet like so many dreams -- those realized and those discarded -- making room for those that will take their place after the long, cold winter.

I've had 26 Falls. This will be my 27th. I can't remember ever feeling so encouraged, so new, so alive.  

"Blessed is the man 

who walks not in the counsel or the wicked,

nor stands in the way of sinners, 

nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

but his delight is in the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree

planted by streams of water

that yields its fruit in its season..."

...that yields its fruit in its season. Amen.  

Saturday Morning Haiku, 5-7-5. 7-9-7, Poetry soothes the weary

Crisp Autumn embrace

Colors give the best cuddles

Hello, Mr. Ant!

I saw a bucket

Drip by drop it overflowed
Be patient, dear heart

Do not envy the butterfly her wings

She earned her elegance with hot tears and time
Cocoons do not cowards make

Dear sweet bird up in the sky
Won't you come sing me a lullaby
I want only to listen

Embrace change but don't forget

Becoming is a painful process;

Just ask that mountain up there

Light eddies on chilly toes

Her chest rises and falls next to mine

So, the Sun does also rise

Joy beckons to Grief

Just a little farther, love

I will be waiting right here

My sin, not in part but the whole

Last night I was able to drive up to Wheaton to see Phil Wickham, Shawn McDonald and Shane&Shane and it was, hands down, the most amazing show I've ever been to! I think a lot of that has to do with where I'm at in my life right now, but it really was phenomenal :) Not only that, but the six of us that went got to hang out with Shawn's sideman (I grew up going to Bible Camp with him) and Phil afterwards, so that was obviously a blast!

I'm beginning to realize that there is something about Jesus that affects me profoundly. Over the past month or so, I've been brought to tears several times at the mention of Jesus' Passion.

Last night Shane Bernard was telling a story about a song he wrote after being accused by the Enemy on night regarding a passage in Galatians 3 he had read earlier that day that says, "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law..." He said he just sat there in the bus in tears admitting to the Devil that he was right.. he was a cursed failure. After something like five minutes of this, the Holy Spirit reminded him of the second part of that passage that says, but "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us."

I couldn't help myself.. the tears just came and came and came. Take a look at these lyrics:

Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
He’s right, halleluia, he’s right
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation
Could the father of lies be telling the truth of
God to me tonight?
That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES!

I'm getting close to crying again reading over those lyrics again. It's a terribly powerful message! I just can't reconcile with a perfect Jesus taking that torture and ridicule for an utter failure like me, so much so that God turned His face away.

Shortly after they sang this song, the Shanes ushered into a chorus of 'It Is Well With My Soul.' I thought I was a mess earlier.. boy was I wrong! The third verse ripped me up so much I couldn't even sing. Well, I tried, but no intelligible sound came out. :)

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

I welcome the tears, but they sure do sting.


May you be blessed this Palm Sunday :)

Cheesy Love Songs Are the Best

So as you, my two avid readers, probably already know, I've been asked to sing a set at Jo's Java for a Valentines Day thing. Well, i eagerly accepted buuuuuuuuuuuut.... i don't really have much material. AHHH!!

I sat down to write some today and got this.. please lemme know if i should keep going or bag it and try again. An FYI, it's got a light, poppy feel to it and yes, it's supposed to be cliche and not entirely serious.

20 years young barely old enough
To know what love is let alone say I love you
But here I am thinking "I do"
Baby, baby.  Oh, what you do to me it's cruel

It's not your smile, it's not your kiss
It's the way you look when no one's watching
It don't take a scientist to see there's something
Something in those baby blues, those true blue eyes

It's me and you on a bicycle built, built for two
just two lovebirds sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
I'm in love, i'm in love

What's it gonna take, girl, to make you mine
Not just for now but for a lifetime
'Cause I don't ever wanna have to think about
What life would be without

Me and you on a bicycle built, built for two
Two lovebirds sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Oh, I'm in love, I'm in love

I don't care who knows it
I'm not ashamed of the one i love
Oh, baby girl, I can't hide it now

'Cause it's me and you on a bicycle built, built for two
Two lovebirds sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Oh, I'm in love, I'm in love